I’m starting to hallucinate and have no one to tell

I’m hearing things. They’re just little things, but I’d like them to stay that way. Unfortunately I have no one to tell. Most of my friends have made it clear they don’t want to hear it. I can’t tell my husband, he’ll be upset. I have no doctor to tell, or therapist. And I can’t […]

This whole ordeal has trashed my mental health

I’ve been struggling with excessive moodswings, flashbacks, dissociative states, and panic attacks since we got out, and it’s not getting easier. I’m being a terrible person to my loved ones because I just don’t know how to control it. I’m struggling with paranoia, in that I think no one really likes me, and I’m just […]

It’s been way too long

We got out. We have a place. We’ve been there about a month. We’re waiting for antimother to gather the last of our things and put them outside. That’s the short version. The longer version, while difficult to remember all of, left us unsafe. After much tension, when we went to get the last of […]

We’re almost out!

We just have to finalize the process but we’re almost out! We’ve already started packing, and we got some stuff into storage yesterday. Of course antimother and fuckboy tweaker are moving in I think today, but whatever. If they pull anything I’ll just call the cops. I’m not playing their stupid game. I’m too old […]

I’m still alive

I’ve had no energy and no motivation lately, because this whole thing is just grinding me into dust. But I come bearing good news! We’re starting the process of getting out! The problem is antimother has to give us a reference. But I think she’ll give us a good review, because the other person we […]

I don’t even know where to begin

The harassment ended for a week. Then antimother and fuckboy tweaker showed up to grab what of her stuff she could sell, antagonized Husband A, who was (rightfully so) very upset, and said they’re moving in in a few days. Ladies and gentlemen this is my worst nightmare. I didn’t know what to do, but […]

I was wrong about grandmother, but very, very right with antimother. And bonus: fun with brain scans!

So it was antimother’s doing that she was there yesterday. Grandmother apologized. I accepted. And things are patched up. But antimother’s problems go deeper than I realized. Tomorrow we’re going to the police station and getting her to either pay the power bill, or let us pay it. And then we find out what to […]

I got set up for an “intervention”

Grandmother told antimother that I might be there today, alone, so her and fuckboy tweaker showed up. Luckily Husband A didn’t want me going alone, and bff#1 took W to the park, so I wasn’t alone when fuckboy tweaker opened the door. He looked very surprised to see Husband A, and apparently no one else […]

Antimother is trying to evict us again

But she’s not going through proper channels. Again. I don’t know what to do. I’m so worn out and beaten down. I don’t want to be here but we have nowhere to go. I’m tired of all the back and forth, because there is no rhyme or reason to it. Because meth. Meth is a […]

Even if she sobers up, I’m not getting her back

I have memories of before she started using meth. Of before she stopped caring. And today that’s where my mind is wandering. Because I know I’m never going to see her again. My mother, my real mother, died the moment she picked up the pipe. And even if she sobered up tomorrow and fixed things, […]